hi everybody

A very warm greetings to everyone.

My name is Jane Penelope, a newbie here and hope to learn a lot from this forum as i found this forum very interesting

Hi Everybody

Well it's time for my debut article in mathNEWS, be prepared to be shocked and amazed. I should be studying for my midterm tomorrow, but how much could a midterm be worth anyway? Also it's linear algebra, doesn't that mean it should be straight forward? 96% average here I come. So this issue is supposed to be about Smurfs and earlier today we were having a conversation about how tall smurfs where. Some said they were 3 apples tall some said they were 4, and some people had no clue at all and said thing like "3 inches." After a while I decided that it didn't really make that much of a difference, it's kind of like some people think an Easy Rider should have 3 patties while I think they should have 4 (come on it only costs $2.00 to upgrade it).

Now I've noticed a few things wrong with the Smurfs series. First of all, if all of the male smurfs don't get to wear a shirt then why does Smurfette get to wear a dress. I mean come on — is she developed? Does she have anything to hide? She's 3 apples high, for the love of god, the biggest they could be would be cherries.

Secondly, what is with smurf's tails, I mean why are they even there? It's just a little ball of fluff on the ass. They'll put a hole on the back of their pants for a tail, but there is no hole in the front!

Next is the fact that smurfs never use the washrooms. Have you ever seen them? Do their mushrooms come with indoor plumbing? And if they don't go to the washroom then that brings up the question — are smurfs anatomically correct? Have you ever seen a bulge??? [It's retractable, like on a dolphin — TaxiEd]

The question of the smurfs being anatomically correct makes me think about how they procreate. I mean there are 99 male smurfs and only 2 female (Smurfette and Sassy), and Sassy is too young for procreation (talk about a sausage fest!!!). I knew that Smurfette got around but I never would have guessed she was a "glass of water" (ask Pammi). If the smurfs don't procreate then how do they stay alive. Are they immortal? And if they are can you kill them by cutting off their heads, cause I think that would kill me (but I'm not quite sure).

If you were paying attention to the last paragraph and you aren't in math, then you are probably good enough at adding to realize the 99 male smurfs + 2 female smurfs = 101 smurfs. Does anybody else think that this is too much of a coincidence when compared to the 101 Dalmations. I sense a conspiracy here people.

Lastly, and to me the most important thing wrong about the smurfs is that there are no ducks! They have a Chicken named Kiev — "Kiev the magic chicken, we love your magic eggs, with them the town of Smirnov will never have to beg." (ask Bradley) — now why can't they involve a duck. If I had a character I wonder what its name would be, and what its theme song would be? ('Submit suggestions in the mathNEWS BLACK BOX')

If you think that I would not be a good smurf character then I only have one thing to say to you. "How could I not be a good smurf character, I'm a genius."

To end my first article ever I will leave you with a few words of advice.

1. Always go for 2s
2. If you leave your room messy enough, your roommates WILL clean it for you
3. Always go for "pure jokes"
4. Say things like Shibby, Broken, or BooYah
5. Be an asshole, its fun
6. And lastly ask Raymond for a burrito!!!
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